I am a 56 year old man. I am married and I have two children. I consider myself reasonably happy (unhappy) and have never been in therapy. My situation in life has given me the impetus to do something for myself, my soul and my heart.

On the 23rd - 24th of September I took part in - well what was it? - 'Vitamins for the soul'. On Sunday evening I came home very happy. I had made experiences on that weekend that don't happen to me very often. I was one of about 18-20 people who set up their family under the direction of Corinna.

Before the setting up of the families began I told the group how good it would be if I could rid myself of my inclination to brag. If I could only stop bringing out in others totally exaggerated expectations which I can never live up to. I set up my family as did the others in the group and all those old deep feelings came back. The feelings so familiar to those who have set up a family constellation.

At the end of the seminar I was so emotionally moved that I told Corinna about it. She asked me to tell the group about my experience. So this is what I said:

'Well, now that we have completed our family constellations, I would like to tell all of you something. Yesterday evening as I arrived home I was happy, relaxed and tired. In the course of the evening my mood changed from bad to worse and I became very angry.

This morning (2nd day of the seminar) I was still in a bad mood and very angry. I wondered how I could be in such a bad mood after I had felt so good at the end of the first day. I replayed in mind the setting up of my family which had happened the day before and came up with the following explanation:

You (I pointed out the lady who had represented my mother) portrayed my mother so lovingly. And you (pointing to the man who was my brother) revealed him as a friendly person, a person in our family who had also suffered. But I - in my whole life - was convinced that my brother and my mother were really terrible people, that they had sent me away and that they had never loved me.
All my feelings and thoughts were based on this assumption.

This was the basis of my life.

I used to construct my whole life on this self image: Poor me! The unloved child who has to beg for love and recognition which I can only receive by being nice all the time and by doing - or at least promising to do - anything for them...I in my great unhappiness!

It was the loss of my self image that had made me so angry!
The next thing was that I realized that my mother and brother were not at all the monsters that I had made them out to be. I also realized that my self image of the misused, cast out and disrespected child was only a creation of my own imagination.
I had invented myself in my great unhappiness!

But who am I now?

I would like to tell you one more thing:
When I came here yesterday and sat down among you I habitually observed and evaluated all of you: 'She is pretty, he has funny pants, he does look so friendly and so on.'
And then the setting up of the families began.
And each time when some of you stood there in the middle of the room, it was like looking through a well-focused telescope. There stood before me wonderful people above all prejudices and negative attributes. And with each constellation I had the same realization that these people are certainly wonderful: Truly a r-e-a-lization, for it became real.

And this revelation that we all are wonderful, straight forward people, or at least sometimes are and yesterday during the sessions definitely were, helped me to rid myself of my self image as a victim. I can be wonderful too and I don't have to suffer to be of value.
I thank you all for this!

This weekend I was often asked to stand and bow in front of a mother, father, or brother or sister (as a representative). You saw how difficult it was for me.
Now I bow before all of you because you are wonderful people and I thank you for the past two days!'-

Dear Corinna, thanks again for a wonderful weekend... if only the world could always be so beautiful, so real and so clear. M.

Darmstadt, June-5-2000

Dear Corinna,

I have just come home from your course 'Family constellations' and I feel the need to tell you something. Therefore I have written the following:
The family constellations were fascinating and also very moving. The setting up of my family made me very sad. But the sadness is passing. If something changes in my life only time will tell. At least my life was enriched by the experience.

I went to your information meeting this evening to see how a family constellation can help me to make changes in my life or to make clear the changes that I have already made. And I believe that I have become more complete as a person, more of my original self, as I've found my rightful place in the family.
I feel that I am a little more free, open and real and I can stand up for myself and my beliefs.

I would like to continue working in this direction because I have put barriers in front of myself long enough while getting to know various therapists! I believe that I am now on the true path and will be successful in overcoming my problems. Yes, I believe, that's it.

Thank you for the opportunity to express my thoughts to you.
I wish you all the best from my heart and hope that we will meet again.

Kind regards, S.

D a t e n s c h u t z > >